The other day I found myself thinking about the phrase which we commonly use in discussing people with whom we’re in intimate relationships. I wonder who thought of that title? Significant other…

What is a “significant other”?, I thought, as I allowed my mind to take issue with some of the common day terminology. The dictionary defines significant in this way: 1. Having meaning. 2. Suggesting or containing disguised or special meanng. 3. Important, Weighty.

And then, the second part of the phrase is “other”. Other what? I can only assume that the clever person who came up with the phrase meant “an other person? Perhaps it suggests that there is only one other person in my life who is important. Or, maybe, the phrase means that of the other people with whom I associate, this one has meaning, or is special.

Let’s go with that. So, for the sake of ths discussion, people who are in committed relationships with another human being, who feel that the person is meaningful, and important, qualify for the “significant other” title. Alright, this will be the basis of the dialogue.

There are many couples who have made the decision to spend time with, (sometimes exclusively), to share intimate thoughts and concerns, to express dreams and goals, and most often, nowadays, to share living quarters (which includes bedroom activities), expenses, and household needs. From the outside, it looks like a marriage, because all of the afore mentioned things are typically descriptive of marriage.

In my conversations with people who have “significant others”, I ask,” how is this different from what married people experience? The answer can either sway one of two ways: Either we’re not ready for marriage, or I’m just as committed to him/her (after all, marriage is just a piece of paper).

Here’s my thought. If you’re doing what married people do, if you feel about each other like married people feel, and if you provide for each other what married people provide, why won’t you make the commitment to each other which merely says, “I’m going to stay”. My take on cohabiting is that it permits a person to “leave the back door open”. It says that one is not absolutely positive that “you are the one”; it allows us to keep our options available, just in case, we find something better.

Which causes me to ask, just how significant could one be, if the possibility of finding someone else is always hovering over the relationship? Maybe the phrase should be “temporarily significant”, or “possibly significant”, or not so significant, after all.

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Mama E
mamae@mamaeanswers.com