Mama E Answers » Marriage Guidance

Your Questions About Young Couples Marriage

Mama E — Wed, 11 May 2011 02:41:51 +0000

Susan asks…

young couples?

why are they so looked down upon?

i know many young marriages that were successful!

Mama E answers:

Well you ask a very good question, and one not often asked. From my perspective the answer opens many doors.

What I mean, is many times the reason people speak disparagingly about young married couples is due to jealousy. Other times it could be simple lust, that is the lust for something special that is missing from the complaining person’s life.

We may as well face the truth. Most people long for and can actually crave love. Love shares many things in common with an addictive love. Money and power cannot buy love, however, money and power are very attractive to those who crave love. This is why scores of “groupies” follow after high profile people. They act like moths drawn to…and ultimately into the light.

Being young and even marrying young is the best of both worlds, when proper planning and knowledge are part of the process.

As with most things in life, wisdom and knowledge add to the overall value of the important things we experience…and marriage is at the top of the list for human beings. It’s one of the most natural longings we can experience.

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Building A Stronger Marriage

Mama E — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 20:27:44 +0000

Susan asks…

What challenges are faced as a young military spouse?

My name is Diana and my fiancee is currently in the air force and will be for another 3 years.

Soon after meeting it was clear that we wanted to be together more than anything in the world. Unfortunately however, we had to face some unfavorable circumstances. We are 20 years old and I am currently working part time and going to school full time in Texas. My fiancee on the other hand, is permanently stationed in Colorado until his term ends in 3 years.

We have seriously considered getting married this summer, leaving my life in Texas for him, and moving in together in Colorado, but I am not familiar with a military lifestyle. We love each other and we have managed to keep this relationship alive despite the long distance challenge. I feel like our relationship can endure anything regarding separation, but I am concerned about our overall well being financially.

To say the least, we both agree that I need to finish my bachelor’s degree. We have researched and moving to a different state would allow me to qualify for in state tuition, which is a major plus. However, I have had various people tell me that military spouses do not qualify for financial aid or tuition assistance. Is this true? If there is aid for military spouses what are some of the qualifications for air force wives more specifically?

I know that his income even with BAH is not nearly enough to cover my cost for school. I plan to work as much as I do now which is part time and even that is not enough to cover a $20,000 school tuition including all of our living expenses.

I cannot express just how much I would love for us to be able to be together soon, while building a strong future together. However, I fear that it would be most beneficial for the both of us to wait until I finish school in Texas. Marriage is both bliss and hard work for both the man and woman. I would hate for income to be an added stress into the relationship and risk an unsuccessful marriage due to finances

I would love to wed and be able to finish college as easily as I am now. If we are not able to do that immediately, I know we would be perfectly content getting married in a few more years as soon as I finish school if that is what it would take to give us a bigger chance for success. I can’t wait to be in the same city, cut the traveling costs, and be able to share our love each and every day, which is why my dilemma includes getting married now or waiting a few years until I finish school.

Ideally, doing both without risking our future together would be amazing! I hear that the military supports families and takes good care of you, but just how easily do military spouses attend college in their new cities?

Mama E answers:

You both have lots on your lists of things to consider and discuss before making a final decision about when to marry. Here’s my best advice on a few additional things for both of you to think about.

1. Three years will pass more quickly than you realize which could make a case for you to marry as soon as you can make the arrangements. However,

2. If you are not planning to have children until you complete your studies, waiting may be the better decision. It goes without saying that beginning a family is a mixed blessing, depending on your goals and how you want to plan for the rich and wonderful life that is ahead for you.

Starting a family now would definitely interrupt your plans and at this point in time, challenge your stress thresholds to dramatic levels.

Waiting, while having its own stresses, feels like the best option. Completing your education and then deciding on your short and long term family plans, just makes sense.

Be blessed…

John asks…

Should I divorce the love of my life?

Sorry if this is a long one guys…I shall try and be brief! My wife and I married but split after ten weeks. There was a great deal of pressure at the time, my not working, looking after our daughter and my trying adjust to living with her two children from a previous relationship.

We both found new partners, her relationship lasted three months and I am still living with my new partner. This is 18 months after we originally split.

The problem I have is that six months ago, during my frequent visits to my daughter we became close again. I have never fallen out of love with her and she told me she felt the same thing. We slept together and had, I thought, begun to build a stronger relationship.

From day one she knew that I was living with somebody else and we agreed that we would take things slowly and I would slowly manage an exit from my new relationship so as not to hurt my new partner and her children with whom I live. Since rekindling the relationship with my wife I had not had a physical relationship with my new partner and we became more like best friends.

Now that the split of my new relationship is imminent my wife says that she cannot continue with the relationship, that the marriage was a ‘snap’ decision and that she no longer wishes any contact.I feel that I have done everything we agreed and that the time is right to make a real go of the marriage without the problems we faced. I guess my wife see’s if differently now!

Do I accept that she no longer loves me or should I fight for her? Help!

Mama E answers:

You both have made several decisions that have not served your best interest, or those of your families. Now you’re about to disrupt a second family while adding the pain of unfaithfulness to the formidable blend of problems that are brewing as a result of your actions.

There is every reason to accept that your former wife came to her senses about you, thanks largely to your infidelity to your current partner. Basically, from her thoughtful perspective, you would most likely cheat on her as well, given time.

Be prayerful before acting on your hasty decisions going forward. And ask your current wife for forgiveness as you tell her about what you have done.

From my perspective, all that lies before you to fight for is some knowledge about the value of true love and respect between committed partners.

You also seem to be insensitive to the fact that children are precious and have feelings that are not easily mended once broken.

If you are a believer, it is time for you to speak with a spiritual counselor. If you are not a believer, my suggestion is for you to seek the help of an experienced relationship counselor.

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Marriage Counseling Los Angeles

Mama E — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 02:05:01 +0000

Daniel asks…

Should we work on our marriage?

Last February, my wife and her best friend went to Vegas. It was my birthday gift to her and an annual trip she likes to do with her girlfriend.

A week after she comes back, a number with a California area code. I answered it, but didn’t say anything. On the other line was a man I didn’t know and I just hung up. A minute later my wife has an incoming text saying “Hey, it’s Mark.” I woke my wife up and asked her who this Mark guy was. She told me it was just an old friend she ran into in Vegas. I believed her and didn’t ask any questions.

In May, she went to Palm Springs with her girlfriends.

During the winter holidays, we went to Los Angeles for a week and a half to visit my parents and brother. After a day of hanging out with old friends, I was coming back to the hotel. My wife was at the entrance of the hotel kissing another man. I freaked out and confronted her in our hotel room.

I love my wife with all my heart. She has deceived, lied, and manipulated me. I wanted to be a good husband and father, but it’s obviously not enough. I’ve always tried be a better man for her.

She confessed to sleeping with Mark in Vegas, Palm Springs, and the day I saw her. He even visited her in our city a few times.

She has promised to never see him and wants to go to counselling.

All my friends say I am just lying to myself if I think I can fix this marriage.
We have a two year old daughter together and we were planning on having another. She told me she was off the pill since August.

She has done a good job of deceiving me if she really doesn’t love me anymore.

Mama E answers:

Based on the fact that she said she wants counseling, and your willingness to work this out, it seems reasonable to take this step.

It is important that she, in fact both of you, follow through in this decision as well as any commitments that are made to the counselor’s advice.

Continue to trust your spouse. This sounds like an obsessional compulsion that she is finally trying to deal with. Your love and trust can make this work.

Be blessed…

Michael asks…

I am a going through some impossible divorce issues with my wife i wanted to seek counseling?

I recently got caught cheating emotionally on my wife and now I feel like i need to talk to someone maybe seek prof. help but i don’t have that much money nor health for that can any give me and free local place in Los Angeles, CA that maybe will see me sooner then 4-6 months because that seems to be another issues that the place that are free have a waiting list that i don’t know if I have that much time to wait for. Because I really do want to fix my marriage and make the step on getting help or even figure out where I went wrong … because even through I cheated emotionally it was her that I want to hear this stuff for not someone else. Now that everyone knows she want to get a divorce and fight for custody over our son…I want to make any effort or step to show her that i am fighting for this relationship so bad.. please help if theres any one out there???

Mama E answers:

The fact that you want to get counseling sounds logical, however, if your wife will not agree to work with you in the sessions your plans cannot move forward. And, based on what sounds like her determination to end the marriage, my quess is this is not the first incident that has occurred.

My suggestion is that you seek the assistance of a friend or family member who can help you make your case for working this out. I say this because your wife must become open to the idea that counseling holds the possibility to restoring peace and love to your family unit, otherwise, your goals will not be successful.

Be blessed…

Donna asks…

My husband told me that marrying me ruined his life. How do I forgive him?

I admit that I did not completely listen to my husband’s wishes for our wedding, and I didn’t do a good job of communicating some of the things that we discussed below. I was also 3 months pregnant by the time we had the ceremony.

This is my 2nd marriage & my husband’s 1st. He was adamant that he did not want to spend more money on the wedding than the honeymoon. He felt that the people at the wedding were our guest & their entertainment was secondary to our vows. We had a simple ceremony in my parent’s back yard and a reception at a local park. We spent a few thousand dollars on everything & had a lot of things donated. The weeks leading up to the wedding, I was working on a lot of things that I was personally making for the wedding & not spending a lot of time with him. I would stay up late working on things then come to bed tired & not in the mood for sex. This frustrated him, but he didn’t complain much.

During our ceremony he felt that I was being B!tchy, because my heels kept sinking into the moist grass & I kept squeezing his hand & readjusting. Plus, when the pastor ask me if I take this man…I added some comedic levity by saying “Let me think about it” before saying “I do”. I was just being funny, but he took it seriously.

After the ceremony, I spent a lot of time with my relatives that flew in that I hadn’t seen in a while…then changed out of my dress & took a nap. My husband felt that I left him all alone. His family left shortly after the ceremony & he was left hanging with the men in my family.

We drove to the honeymoon & spent hours in traffic on a Friday evening. While we were driving he asked me what areas of Los Angeles I would like to move to (we had discussed renting or selling one of our houses and moving closer to his new job in Beverly Hills, but I really didn’t care to move to Los Angeles). I told him that I didn’t want to move, especially since I would have to commute to work with the kids until he could afford for me to stop working. (however, I should have finished the sentence by saying that even though I don’t want to move…”he is my husband and I will follow him anywhere”. <—I was thinking that but didn't say it).

He got quiet for about an hour…I thought he was listening to the radio. I didn't notice that he was crying until he got off the freeway and turned around and started heading back. I asked him to pull over and talk to me. He said, "I feel this marriage is going to be all about you, and that I have ruined my life. I said ‘I do’ and I’m going to stick to my committment, but I don’t want to waste anymore money than I need to. I just want to go home.”

We were able to salvage a decent honeymoon, but things have never been the same. I don’t trust that he will stay, so I do little things to push him away. I am scared that if he can want out on our wedding night that he will want out at any point.

Counseling doesn’t work, we tried. Nothing makes me feel any different. I understand his point of view…I truly do, but understanding his point of view doesn’t change how that statement truly makes me feel. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life. To this day he won’t say that I ruined his life, but he will say that he does still feel the marriage is all about me.

I know that in order to make this better I have to forgive him for what he said, and he has to forgive me. The only problem is that he MEANT what he said. He has apologized for how what he said made me feel, but still feels that he was justified for what he said & believes that the “jury is still out”.

He treats me wonderfully; however, I know he is a really duty bound man. He will never divorce me. He is the kind of man that will stay just because he said the words “I will never leave you.”

Mama E answers:

Your side of the story seems to agree with your husband’s side of the issue. Based on your behavior throughout the events you shared, it is easy to understand why he felt abandonded. While his statement may have been somewhat dramatic, it appears you also accept his words as truthful, even though they hurt your feelings. I hasten to add that you did not mention anything about your feelings when you observed that your husband was crying because of your behavior at the wedding…

And since you stated that counseling didn’t work because you still feel the same way, it appears you have a decision to make, namely, what kind of marriage do you believe you deserve, and what are you willing to change to make it happen?

What this means is it appears, based on your words, your husband will not divorce you and is committed to you and your marriage. For some reason you are now trying to push him away….or was that a typo?

My take on this is you have a man that has given you something most new brides, and women in general for that matter, would die for, namely, a lifelong commitment to you and your marriage.

And in spite of a dismally rocky start to what should have been the most important day of your life, you didn’t seem, to feel it was normal for you to be in a humorous mood because of your antics…

So, since you asked, I’ll give you the steps.

1. Reverse every action you’ve taken by doing the exact opposite. In other words, behave as though you love him without reservations.

2. Follow your husband’s lead. In other words, make a commitment to him and to your marriage. This requires that you learn how to love him and communicate this through a higher level of sensitivity to his feelings.

3. Commit to buying a few books and tapes on how to build a successful loving marriage. And listen to the tapes over and over again for the next 45 days.

4. Love your husband and commit to your self that you will follow your heart, rather than your impulses, and learn how to be selfless with your love for him by reversing yourself and placing him and his happiness in a higher position than your own.

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Marriage Advice

Mama E — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 21:42:23 +0000

Mary asks…

What type of advice or experiences good or bad marriage?

Who/what is the best marriage advice you have gotten?

*Or what experience has influenced you the most for a better marriage

Mama E answers:

We hear lots of people who talk about living together for years before they get married. The idea of living together without a commitment to each other flies in the face of today’s reality about what makes a relationship strong enough to go the distance.

What this means is, by listening to the news and watching what is happening all around us, it is clear that many marriages fall apart because of broken commitments.

So what is my point?

It is simple. If your goal is to be together in a relationship filled with love and sharing magical experiences together, you’ll want to ask yourselves why you would want to avoid declaring your commitment to each other right from the start.

Without a commitment partnerships cannot be established a way that values trust. And it is this point on which relationships thrive. And when commitment to each other and the relationship is absent, the relationship is built on sandy soil… and in some cases quicksand. So the outcome does not require a degree in rocket science to figure the prognosis.

Be blessed…

James asks…

What was the WORST pre-wedding marriage advice that you have ever received?

Not in response to a specific problem, but rather general advice about how your future marriage should work to be successful.

I don’t necessarily mean a joke or a malicious comment (although you can include those if you wish).

I’m looking for well-meaning advice given by someone who sincerely wanted to help that just turned out to be flat-out wrong.

What made the advice so terrible?

Did you KNOW that it was terrible advice at the time, or did you try it out first?

Mama E answers:

A couple once confessed the wife was counseled by a well meaning friend of the family in these words… “Never for any reason refuse to have sex if your husband wants to.”

Your question could be, is this right? or wrong? or good? or bad? My answer is all of the above, however the compelling question is, how can a balanced relationship establish such “rules” when they obviously do not honor both relationship partners?

Think about this…. If we understand relationships as being a joining of “best friends,” it is nearly impossible to separate such a friendship from the concept of mutual respect and a strong since of fair play. And loyalty to each other regardless of the pressures from others outside the relationship, is just part of the process.

Should not a marriage between two “life” partners not be founded to include the basic principles and practices of best friends? Naturally, a marriage includes many more components that would be inappropriate for friendships between best friends, however, such things as mandated behaviors are absent from strong friendships, as well they should be.

So the short answer….and my best advice is, brand yourselves as adult friends engaged in a love that is undeniably fair and balanced and filled with a level of respect for self and partner that is unbreakable.

From that foundation you will build and enjoy a relationship that will last a lifetime…and all who share your presence will recognize that something special happens whenever you are around.

Be blessed…

Steven asks…

Has any of the marriage advice on here actually helped you?

I have been asking so many questions about my marriage problems this week. A lot of the advice sounds really good. I wonder if anyone was ever able to solve a marriage problem by one of the answers received here.

Mama E answers:

It is not unusual for someone other than the one who asks the questions to receive an answer that solves a problem in a relationship.

Because I’ve been a relationship coach for many years, my experience improves my accuracy more than may be the case with others. So, to answer your question more directly, yes, people do receive advice that helps them.

I hasten to add it is more a matter of being open to accepting what may not be the answer you want that helps the “healing” of a relationship problem. As in many situations in life, Attitude plays a deciding part in how a relationship responds to coaching and suggestions for change.

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Break Up Advice For Women

Mama E — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 12:59:29 +0000

Daniel asks…

Break up advice. What if BOTH are doing the no contact thing?

My girlfriend of 1 year and I recently broke up. She packed her things and left because I would not budge on a subject that involved her family, which was completely wrong, disrespectful to me, even to her, but she still chose to take their side and protect another family member. So when I would not drop the subject she pretty much chose them over me. We have broken up and gotten back together a couple of times but overall had a pretty good relationship, and I can honestly say at 27 she is the only woman I have ever truly loved. She is 31. It felt too much like a one way relationship though, and I always felt that she didn;t feel as strongly towards me as I did towards her even though she and her family were the ones pushing for marriage while I wanted to wait and test our love. During previous break ups I was always the one(except once) that went after her whether it was my fault or her fault and pushed to get back together. I could have probably done it again this time, but this time I chose to let her walk out and told her that this time if she walks out the door….it really is over. I would not go after her. That after what she did I couldn’t even be as much as a friend to her because I considered it betrayal. I had enough of the same old game.

And I vowed to keep my word. Which I have. Its been nearly two months since that day, and we have not spoken sense. Not a single text, call or anything.

The thing is I know this girl is not the best for me, and there are plenty of other women that are trying to get with me, and that would probably treat me a lot better, but the truth is, I still love her. And while she may not be close to the best one for me, its me that feels his best when I am with her. And yeah I talk to other females but I have 0 interest in anyone else. So even though I am keeping my word in not going after her, I am having a really hard time just letting go of this one because I really could have seen myself with her if only a few small changes took place. And she did make an effort from time to time to work on these small things.

But you read all of these relationship advices, and its funny cause they all advise you to have no contact when you want someone back. But what exactly happens when BOTH are doing that?

I thought about just sending a text on Christmas saying Merry Christmas, but then again I just don’t know. What I really want is to see her, for a change, come back to me, and to show me that she cares. I want to see her fight for me for once which is what it would take for me to want to be with her again. But as I know her, whenever a door shut on her, whether it was job, or school, or anything important, she just accepted the situation and never fought to try to get them back or at least not lose them. Even though she deeply regreted losing them and did not wish to do so. She just never had the courage to fight. Very irresponsible, but had a good excuse and I won’t go into details explaining why she had a good excuse but she does. Lets just say its due to a mental condition that keeps her from having a whole lot of logic and thinking things through.

But here we are, 2 months out. We have not exchanged a word. From the way she acts its like she doesn’t care at all, but still deep down I feel that may not be entirely true and I am afraid I might be making a mistake letting go the only woman I can honestly say I truly loved. Oth, if i go after her I may get her back, but chances will be even less that I will get the changes that I need in order to be happy and satisfied in the relationship and to make sure she doesn’t continue acting like that.

PS. The final break up was not bad. No huge fight of anything like that. We never really had a huge huge fight. Our respect for one another was never erroded. We hugged, I kissed her forehead and wished her well in life. She was tearing up said she loved both me and her sibling(who caused us the problem) was confused, didn’t know what to do and just wanted to run away. It was just sad and dissapointing.

Mama E answers:

The easiest advice is what you often hear, like, If you want her back you need to go after her. If not then just keep doing what you’re doing… However, in this case, it sounds like your love for her, and even your understanding of her is very deeply embedded. And even though I only have one side of the story, namely yours, it is clear that you hold some of the responsibility for the break up.

There is a saying that bears weight for your consideration, “Success in life is not based on what you hold on to, but what you let go of.” In your case you must find a way to let go of logic and reason. Relationships thrive or die based on emotions, and yours is no exception. Both you and the love of your life have made decisions that are less than stellar, and definitely do nothing to help build strength in your relationship.

My advice, think about the 80/20 rule before you extend your separation. What this relates to is the fact that any “new” love relationship will always dwell in the shadow of your previous relationship. And if you are blessed to enter another serious relationship you’ll live a life that provides you with about 20% of the joy and love you experienced with the love of your life. My hunch is the 80% that you were enjoying is weighing heavily on your mind…and in your heart. Find a relationship coach or counselor and get some professional guidance, and/or find a way to speak with your lady and let her know the depth of your love.

The male ego can kill off the most important things in life, even life itself, when it is allowed to make decisions of the heart….definitely not its strong suit. And then their is the concept of “unconditional love.” After all, isn’t that what we all dream about?

Be blessed…

Mark asks…

Girlfriend wants to break up, any advice to fix it?

of course, she pulls the “I just wanna be friends” type of deal and I still do not understand why women insist on that.

Well we had a a minor fight, and the next day she said she just wanted to be friends adding how she doesn’t have those types of feelings for me.

I know it seems strange but I know that she does have feelings for me..because of all the times we shared and the arguments and fight we got through together, she is my best friend. I asked if something else was the matter, like maybe she thought I cheated on her, lied to her, did something to demean her but there was nothing of the sort except for stress from her parents due to the fact that they do not really want us dating..

and she’s stressed with her finals and I don’t want her to create more unnecessary stress for herself with this conflict. If it truly is not right for us to be together, then I’m willing to accept that, but this spontaneous change of heart is so strange to me, and it doesn’t feel like her and I don’t want her to break my heart, and then realize she never wanted to and wants to get back with me again because I would not…I thought I was being naive saying that what she was doing wasn’t her. She’s shown me so much love and care and she tells me things that are obviously due to love and I try to show her that but she can’t understand it. I tried to be confident about it, telling her that I know we can overcome this lil dilemma and this was just a silly little thing

but I’m not sure what to do, or how I should approach this..the thought of her leaving is starting to take its toll on me…and that confidence is going away..I really love her

if you guys have any advice as to what to do please let me know.
thanks for all your advice. I really like her so I really wanna make this work

Mama E answers:

Well the thing is if it makes you happy to be with her and you really want to make the relationship work, then do what ever it takes to make it happen.

I only have your perspective on this, however, is it possible she found something she doesn’t like about you and is not comfortable enough to confront you about it? Or she is seeing someone else and also is fearful of being totally open and honest about it?

Let her know our true feelings by making a statement, namely, suggest the two of you go to a relationship counseling session. This sends a strong message about your maturity and your love and desire for the relationship to continue. But you definitely don’t want to appear needy or clingy or weepy or weird.

Maintain a posture of self confidence, and consider a pause in making contact for a couple of weeks. Start going to the gym and work on tightening up your physical appearance. Pay closer attention to your diet and check out the zoo or a museum or something out-of-the-box in the way of your normal routine.

It is important that she sees your behavior is changing….you’ll be amazed at what happens when your ex sees you making these kinds of changes. And please, stay away from other ladies as they will start to pursue you as well. And starting to see other people is definitely not what you want at this time, although they will become more aggressive as they too begin to notice the changes…as will she!!

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Marriage Advice Forum

Mama E — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:58:37 +0000

Robert asks…

Where can I find a good Christian marriage forum?

Can you please help me find a good Christian marriage forum (respectful, helpful, safe, based on Christian principles)? Preferably gender specific. Am coming from a Mennonite background.

Thank you for your advice.

Mama E answers:

Christianity.com is very popular and has a good reputationl. There are all sorts of topics. Focus on the Family has one site just for marriage. It’s www.family.org/marriage
The second one is probably more like what you’re looking for…

Be blessed…

Jenny asks…

I am thinking too much about engagement and marriage – any advice?

Sorry I’m reposting this but I was hoping for some more ideas.

Lately I have found myself focusing too much on engagement and marriage. I’m in my 20s and attending college. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and he told me several weeks ago that he has plans in the next few months to get engaged. He wants it to be a complete surprise.

Of course my neurotic (and overly obsessive) self is now focusing on every single day like it is THE day we’ll get engaged. I over analyze his every move. I wonder when he leaves the room if he’s going to get the ring.

I know it sounds crazy – I guess it all comes from my rather neurotic nature of having to have everything planned out to the tee. I mean almost every morning I sit down and plan out an itinerary for my day.

I HATE surprises and not knowing about this engagement is driving me up the wall.

I also find myself scouring wedding websites and this forum in particular. I spend at least two hours or so a day devoted to something wedding related.

I guess my question is: Is there any advice on how to stop this behavior? Should I look into finding new hobbies? Working out more? I’ve told my boyfriend I wanted to stop talking about marriage, but it invevitably becomes a topic of conversation.

We both love each other, and we’re both serious about this relationship. I’m not obsessed with him by any means. Obsessed with weddings? Maybe.

Please don’t be rude – I know this is a problem. I’m not saying it’s normal, but I’m also not crazy. I just like to have my life planned out in advance, and in this case it’s really messing up my day to day living.

Mama E answers:

I’ve worked with this subject before. And I can feel your stress heavily through your words. And while you have taken a very important step to reach out for advice, your best interests cannot be served in this manner.

What this means is, the issue is a couples’ issue, it is not an issue you should attempt to solve or remedy by yourself. Your concerns are not going to go away once you get the “right answer” because it is not a right/wrong answer issue.

My concern is it seems, based on the details you have provided, that you don’t think your boyfriend is aware of your lack of confidence and borderline paranoia. However, this is indeed not the case.

Please consider honoring your commitment to your relationship’s health and well being by seeking a relationship or marriage coach to work through this mental turmoil you are experiencing. It is more serious than you realize at this point in time.

I am confident the two of you will value this decision for the rest of your lives together.

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Building A Stronger Marriage

Mama E — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:34:28 +0000

Laura asks…

Survey for married couples! I want to know what society thinks of marriage!?

1. How do you build trust, loyalty, solidarity in a marriage and family?

2. What is the nature or function of family?

3. What is the nature or function of marriage?

4. What responsibility do you have to your family specifically, mother, father, sisters, brothers, children, husband, wives, cousins, grandparents?

5. What are their duties towards you?

6. What is the ideal type of family?

7. What is the ideal type of marriage?

8. Are the institutions of marriage and family falling apart in our society?

9. What do you think is the biggest problems marriage and family face?

10. If you agree the structures of marriage and family are struggling and not doing their job, why aren’t human relationships in marriage and family what they need to be?

11. What do you think is needed to build stronger bonds and relationships within the institutions of marriage and family?

Mama E answers:

1. You either have trust or you do not have trust.

2. Family is support and love. If you do not have family, then you substitute good friends for the foundation you lack.

3. Marriage is to declare your love, faithfulness and desire to give yourself totally to ONE person.

4. Your responsibility is to maintain connections and to help them when they are in need.

5. Their duties are exactly the same.

6. Ideally it is what you make it. It is what makes you happy.

7. Same as #6

8. No. People are changing- not the institutions.

9. Loyalty and the ability to understand the difference between love and obligations and how they can actually work together.

10. I do not agree with that statement. It is not the fault of our institutions. It is the people that create and run the institutions so to speak. People change and ideals, standards and institutions change with them.

11. People need to learn to LISTEN to each other and to think before they speak or act. Additionally, it is imperative that people understand that once trust is lost- it is lost forever, at least until the power of forgiveness is understood.

Ken asks…

Why do people have a problem with Promise Keepers?

In light of Sanford’s affair coming to light, I’ve seen several questions here making fun of Promise Keepers. Here are the 7 promises of Promise Keepers. Other than those who object to Christians in general, what do people see here to object to?

Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper

PROMISE 1

A Promise Keeper is committed to honoring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Holy Spirit.
PROMISE 2

A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.
PROMISE 3

A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.
PROMISE 4

A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection and biblical values.
PROMISE 5

A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honoring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
PROMISE 6

A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.
PROMISE 7

A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:19-20).

Allow me to clarify. I am not asking what issues you have with men who claim to be Promise Keepers, I’m asking what issues you have with the promises. If your issues are with liars and hypocrites, then your issues are non-partisan, as neither party has the moral high ground.

Mama E answers:

Unfortunately it is a sign of the times. People seem to be focused on building and maintaining a “reality TV” type of negative mindset about anything which makes people look wrong or stupid or unlawful and a couple dozen other personality flaws.

This also happened in Jesus’ time and led to the lesson about “he who has not sinned, cast the first stone.”

It just proves that many of us are stuck on the wrong train going down the wrong track. It will change, once the lessons have been learned…

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Marriage Advice Quotes

Mama E — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:22:59 +0000

George asks…

Recipes, famous quotes & simple sound advice for cookbook idea — a gift for newlyweds?

My daughter, niece and I are assembling a cookbook for my nephew’s fiancee. Any great ideas for recipes, funny jokes, famous “one liners” and good marriage advice, etc.? A cute and humorous title?

Already have some good material, but your help with this project will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Wow — so far these are GREAT ideas!

Mama E answers:

Love Quotes
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Fanny Fern (1811-1872)

“It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others. So it happens that when I write of hunger, I am really writing about love and the hunger for it, and warmth and the love of it and the hunger for it;

and then the warmth and richness and fine reality of hunger satisfied; and it is all one.”

M.F.K. Fisher, The Art of Eating

“I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.”
Nora Ephron, Heartburn

“Don’t let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine.”
Anthony Trollope, English novelist (1815-1882)

“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.”
George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright (1856-1950)

“Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.”
Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923)

“Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at, and I sigh.”
William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)
Irish dramatist, poet.

This website’s got lots of poems, recipes, quotes and general ‘food’ ideas.

Sounds like a great idea that you are working on…lots of love and care…

Be Blessed

Mandy asks…

Can you tell me some World of Warcraft funny wedding / marriage advice?

My friends are getting married this weekend. Both the bride and the groom are avid WOW players. I’d love to get some funny quotes to say at their wedding based on World of Warcraft. Things like, “If you’re going to fight, it’s polite to ask someone to duel first, unless you’re on a PvP server.” Or… “when money is tight, buy Top Ramen and play more WoW.” I’ve only played WoW a small amount, so I’m looking for others to put on their creative caps for humor. I’d also welcome any advice from other couples who WOW together.

Thanks!

Mama E answers:

Bring a copy of this movie (yes, there’s a wedding in it too):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCp6iDZ-Kwc

Your Questions About Break Up Advice Quotes

Mama E — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 20:41:00 +0000

Mark asks…

Please give me good break up quotes or advices?

:’( i just broke up with my girlfriend :’(

Mama E answers:

Breaking up is a emotional wound that hurts nearly as much as a serious physical injury. Most often the cause is something that time will provide an opportunity to look at from a different perspective. And that’s what is important at this point in time…

I think of Chris B who has suffered, and rightly so, for making some very bad decisions. However, one can read between the lines and observe that he would reverse the clock and play it differently, if time was able to heal the mistakes he made. Hopefully, in the case of your relationship, your experiences did not follow that path so that your positive options are still open.

Time can actually heal most hurts… Be blessed.

Ken asks…

HOW DO U MOVE ON FROM A BREAK UP? ADVICE?

ok, not sure how to start this…. um, ok, so me and my Girlfriend broke up about a month ago, more or less. I’ve done my best with the whole ” time heals everything” deal. I mean hey, dont get me wrong the time is helping, but im a senior in High School and i see her everyday for a hour and a half. I completely understand that the whole thing is over, she said and i quote ” Im just not ready for another relationship”.

Makes me feel like a rebound….. Getting another girl isnt that easy 4 me, i mean im no brad pitt or robert patterson, so yeah they arent excatly lining up at my door. What should i do? Should i try to get another girl? stay single for awhile? WHAT? Advice from both sex’s would be great, thanks

Mama E answers:

It’s always good to seek mature counsel when something like this happens, and I’m glad I received your question.

I can assure you it just takes time to recover from a broken relationship. And even though your ex seems to be ready to move on, it may not actually be a relationship that lasts for her.

For you I recommend you find a way to shift your focus to avoid dwelling on what has happened. Something like a new or demanding activity, art, poetry, a foreign language, or anything in which you can emerge yourself for a few weeks.

Just don’t fall into the seemingly wise idea of moving on to another relationship. Such decisions tend to hurt both you and the unfortunate person with whom you connect, much too soon before your heart has time to heal.

You’re a senior, there will be many things to keep you busy for a while, and you will find your way.

Be blessed…

Maria asks…

i need a quote, or advice for after a bad break up.?

we broke up. all i’ve done is cried for three weeeks. i want some kind of quote for my status.

Mama E answers:

A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to let it lay still for a while, rather than grabbing at it too quickly after it falls and shatters. Most often you’ll hurt yourself trying to mend it too quickly.

Allow some time for reflection, for both of you. And don’t pay too much attention to well meaning friends who offer lots of free advice.

This could be a defining moment for you, which means, a growth opportunity has opened. Spend some time getting to know who you really are. Focus on what your strengths are now, and which of your personality traits need more focus…or need to be extincted.

Few things in life are final….

Be blessed…

Your Questions About Building A Stronger Marriage

Mama E — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 15:31:24 +0000

Carol asks…

How can we make our spouse happy?

When a family is still on the first level of marriage, they are still building foundation such as finances, relationship with understanding and adjustment. Sometimes both has mis understanding, others may be impatient. The husband as the bread winner of the family is always looking forward on how to build strong foundation for family that will never suffer hunger. Seeking more jobs, work longer hours, do freelance jobs, and sometimes joins on a networking business just to cope up financial needs for the family. but the problem is It has only a few time left for the family. and sometimes because of these issue, the spouse mis understood it as, “No Time for the family”. Then it leads to Argument, mis-understanding. Let us know your inputs, share your awesome ideas to make our spouse happy.

Mama E answers:

Men and women tend to see success differently. Men usually define themselves by their job. Sometimes they become so wrapped up in their job that they forget that it isn’t all that they are. A man is also a husband, father, friend, as well as things like outdoors man, runner, basketball player or whatever.

Being a good father doesn’t mean just providing money. A good father is there in the evening to play with his children, maybe give them a bath and tuck them in to bed. A good father is at the little league game, dance recital, school play, etc. A good father maintains a strong relationship with his children’s mother. A good father enjoys doing some things that he enjoys to relieve stress and be happy. Sooooooo much more than just providing money.

Women need to understand that this is how their man is thinking and instead of attacking them for it, appreciate that they have a guy who’s responsible and is trying to take care of his family. There are a lot of deadbeats out there who sit on their butts all day and don’t take care of their family at all. Women need to be patient and help him be a presence in his children’s lives.

Between the two of you, you need to work out a situation that works for both of you. Find balance in your lives and your relationship. Better to live in a smaller house, drive a 5-10 year old car, etc than to miss out on your children’s childhood, or end up divorced because you’ve lost your connection with each other due to losing your focus on what’s important.

Maria asks…

How to build up a strong marriage relationship?

Mama E answers:

Honesty, commitment and love. It is important to know your partner well, be honest with them, love them no matter what and be committed to working through any difficult times you may have.

Lizzie asks…

How do you build a marriage on a strong foundation?and to men what is their?

dream wife?thanks

Mama E answers:

To truly build a strong foundation for marriage is the same as being someone’s dream wife: always be looking to improve yourself. We all have flaws or tendencies that can get in the way of a relationship. Try to be honest with yourself and figure out ways that you can grow.

For instance, if you are self-conscious or insecure about something, actively try to become a more confident person. When you are continually growing as a person, you are much more fun to be around because you become an inspiration to your husband.

Also try your best to be honest with yourself and your husband. There will always be new challenges in terms of being honest with him, and sometimes it will be scary to be truthful, but it is absolutely necessary for a strong foundation.

Honesty is the key to building trust, friendship, communication, and many other aspects of strong relationships. Take the time to read through the articles on my site. And please feel free to email me directly at: MamaE @Mama E Answers.com

In the end, the strong foundation in your marriage will be the joint commitment with your husband to always put effort into growing with each other. In order to fulfill this commitment you will need the courage to accept parts of yourself that you may not like, and the patience to allow your husband to realize his flaws and grow at his own pace.