Editor’s Note:

D P Haynes provides this excellent response compiled from dozens of sessions with married couples. We look forward to your comments and questions:

Married couples get advice all the time from family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, strangers and television marriage gurus. There is so much advice available it’s hard to determine what to listen to and what to let go in one ear and out the other.

The following tips are practical but also can’t help but strengthen your marriage if you follow them.

Be careful who you receive advice from. It’s important that you aren’t getting advice from a couple that has recently separated or divorced. If they are telling you anything other than the mistakes that caused them to break-up close both ears and pretend like you are listening but don’t. You really want to talk to folks who have successful marriages who can give you honest down-to-earth advice. They will have your best interest at heart.

Make sure you are really there for each other. Two people can accomplish twice as much as one and two heads are better than one. When problems with work, in-laws, children, friends or issues related to health come up make sure you give 110% support to your spouse. Being there physically and emotionally for each other is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Remember that your spouse comes before everyone else including children and parents. The load is much lighter when it’s being carried by two.

Learn how to compromise in your marriage. There are over 6 billion people around and there are no two individuals exactly alike. Even identical twins have differences. So, it’s clear that you and your spouse will inevitably have differences in your marriage. Some of them will be major and some will be minor. If you are married I know I don’t need to tell you this. The key to compromising is to be willing to put your desires or needs on-hold for the benefit of your spouse or what’s best for your marriage. The key advice is that you need to work together with one heart and one mind and one purpose for the sake of your marriage.

Make a commitment to live with your differences. As a mentioned above, there are no two individuals exactly alike. You wouldn’t really want to marry someone exactly like you anyway. Hopefully, your spouse is a compliment to you and fills in the gaps where you are weak. Marriage is so wonderful when you are able to live in harmony. Starting a fight is like striking a match in dry forest. Before you know it a little argument turns into a week long spat. Then a week turns into two weeks and before you know it the division begins to grow. Even if you disagree with one another you should be committed to finding a way to resolve your differences peacefully. As iron sharpens iron a spouse sharpens a spouse. You have different talents and gifts and should be making each other stronger. Learn to appreciate your differences.

Make your marriage reflect the vows you spoke on your wedding day. Marriage is a relationship that is closer than any other where two are to work as one. It involves trust, support, comfort, intimacy and commitment. You may not remember all of the words you spoke but I’m sure you can remember the tears in your eyes and the pounding of your heart. The love you felt that day wasn’t a fluke or a temporary emotion that is supposed to fade away as time goes on. You must love and cherish each other to the day you die. This means being faithful to each other and being un-selfish in your relationship. On your wedding day you expected a life time of mutual love, faithfulness and permanent commitment. Whether you are married 1 month, 5 years or 30 years the expectation should be the same today.

Forest Anderson asked:

Are you ready to hear the best marriage advice you will ever receive? It might seem so obvious and simple that you will miss the profound truth contained in these 2 words. Here they are if you are ready “stay married.”

Now before you click away from this article because you were looking for 10 quick bullet points to save your struggling marriage there is something you should know. A University of Chicago study was conducted with those who were unhappy in their marriage and were contemplating divorce. The researchers took down their contact information and then touched base with them at a later time. Some had gone ahead with the divorce but some had not.

As they interacted with those that had stayed married these researchers were looking for the magic formula they could pass on to others. What they found was that many of these same couples who had been previously contemplating divorce were now reporting high levels of marital satisfaction. What was interesting to these researchers was that there really was no links between counseling, income, education, or many of the other things one might associate with a turn around marriages. Instead it appears that there is simply something very powerful when couples both have a commitment to their marriage. Commitment seems to be so powerful in restoring marriages that those couples who had reported they were most miserable were many of the same couples who had reported they were now the happiest.

You can spend years in marriage therapy or just simple head this advice and stay married.

Francis K Githinji asked:

When people fall in love, it its most beautiful thing in the world. They feel like they can stare at each other forever. They tie the knot and start off to a great life of matrimony but, a few years down the line, they feel they want out of the marriage. The big question is what went wrong? This is a typical example of what marriages have become. This is mainly because what the couples expected to find in marriage was not there. Many people think that being married solves all your problems. There is nothing further from the truth. The best thing to deal with this is having a prior knowledge of what marriage is all about. Young people can get this from sound marriage advice from many sources. The best place is from spiritual leaders and, people who have been in marriage for a long time. The Internet will also provide you with great advice from experts, which will make your marriage blissful. Couples who are about to get married and, those who are married are advised to get this information together. This way, they can discuss on issues pertinent to them and, ensure that they understand. Going through blogs, I came across a lot of great advice from people.

People were asked to post their best marriage advice ever given to them in a certain blog and, the following are some of the things that I found very interesting and helpful. First, young and old people a like should never date people they will not marry. Many couples have been pushed into marriages with couples they would consider last, to get married to. The fear of being lonely and the demands of society will push certain people to get married to people who are not of their choice. Therefore, for marital fulfillment, it is vital you get married to someone you can deal with for the rest of your life. Another piece of advice is to maintain your identity. Young people should know they are complete the way they are. A husband or wife will only come to add on to what you already are. This is to say that, there are many unhappy people who enter into marriage in search for happiness. To their surprise, they find out that happiness has to come from within rather than without. Many females get into this trap and end up being disappointed and desperate housewives. If you have any aspiration, it is vital for you to consider it because you will not find similar fulfillment in marriage.

Another thing that I found to be very sweet is to compete with your spouse in kindness. If you radiate genuine kindness and love, your man or woman will not want anything else. These virtues help reflect the kind of attitude one may have. If you are married to someone who is always negative and pessimistic, you will have no inspiration in the marriage. If you are married to someone of the opposite attitude, your very own attitude will become better. People are looking for virtues and having goodness in your heart helps your marriage move to great heights. Have a strategy when dealing with marital problems. Being silent or mistreating your partner is only going to create enmity in your home. Every issue should be confronted with a view of finding an amicable solution. You cannot escape forgiveness in marriage.

Mary Dawn Tingal asked:

As the years progress, more and more married couples are filing for divorce. Indeed, there are a lot of reasons that can make any marriage fall apart. Getting the best marriage advice is one of the most helpful ways in saving any marriage from falling apart.

Whenever couples decide to get married, that is the time in their relationships when they feel so much love for each other which is why they decide to spend their lives together. Whether you are prepared for the challenges in marriage or not, chances are you will still find yourself in an instance that you never conceived of.

Communication barriers is one of the most common challenges that married couples face. And facing temptation is also usual. Both you and your husband may get too busy with work that you take for granted each other’s needs. Financial problems are also commonly experienced by married couples. You may have a difficult time having your first baby. There are so many reasons that can make a marriage fall apart.

But then, you wanted this marriage in the first place. Why will you give up on your decision now? You were both so in love with each other before. Surely, you may still find a way to get things back to the way they were. If you are facing marital struggles, these are some of the thoughts playing on your mind now. And in order to save the marriage, couples will first and foremost look for ways to get marriage advice.

If you are having problems in your marriage, one of the first things that you do is confide in your family. You know that your family will always want what is right for you. You can definitely get valuable marriage advice from your parents and siblings who are working on their marriages too. Most especially your parents who are already wiser than you are since they have been married much longer and have been through more problems than you have.

If you believe that you need more than advice from your family, you can seek the help of a professional marriage counselor. Here, a professional marriage counselor can help you know how to communicate with your spouse better; identify the problem areas in your marriage; and establish appropriate ways on how to address the problem areas. One common problem with marriage counseling is that both you and your spouse may not be open to this set-up. You will need to get marriage advice in some other way if you or your spouse do not favor going to marriage counseling.

Another source of marriage advice is the self-help books that you can purchase in bookstores. Self-help books may be written by people who have gone through the same marriage problems or by well-known professional marriage counselors. There are also valuable in saving your marriage.

The Internet is another great source of information. You can look for ebooks, blogs, or online communities that give out marriage advice. The Internet can surely be a great source for the best marriage advice.

Thom Jones asked:

Statistics show that the number of married couples who file for divorce increases each year. There are many reasons that can cause a marriage to fail. Obtaining the very best marriage advice is truly the only way of saving any marriage from total failure.

When people decide to get married, they are so much in love at that point in time. This leads them to decide to spend the rest of their lives together. Whether you think you are totally prepared for the challenges in marriage, or not, you will always run into problems in your relationship that will be difficult to deal with.

Communication problems are usually the most common issues that married couples face. And temptation can also come into play. Couples often get too busy with work and they forget about each other’s needs. Couples also may face financial problems that can quickly wear down a relationship. A new baby can add stress to the marriage because of all the time spent caring for the baby. The additional responsibilities can be overwhelming to some new parents. There are so many factors that can lead to a marriage falling apart.

Remember when you were both so much in love, and you wanted your marriage to last a lifetime? Why give up now? If you both realize this, there are always ways to change things and get back to the way you felt about each other when you first met. And in order to save your marriage, you will need to seek out marriage advice from other people.

When people have problems in their marriages, one of the first things they usually do is to confide in family members. Your family will always want what is best for you. You can certainly obtain valuable marriage advice from your mother and father, and your siblings as well. Since your parents are older and wiser than you, they can offer you very valuable marriage advice. They have been married for longer periods of time and have experienced more marital challenges than you ever have.

If you feel that you need more advice than what your family can offer you, you can always seek the advice of a professional marriage counselor. A professional marriage counselor can teach you how to better communicate with your spouse, and they can help you to identify the areas in your marriage that are causing problems for you. Once the problem areas are identified, they can address appropriate ways to help you deal with those specific problems. Often, many people are just not up to seeking out marriage advice from a professional. If this applies to you, you will need to seek out marriage advice from some other alternative source if neither one of you agree to attend marriage counseling.

Other sources of marriage advice can come from books, or online relationship forums. The internet can provide a huge amount of helpful information. There you can search online for blogs, ebooks, or marriage forums that can provide you with valuable marriage advice. They key is to never give up in your marriage. Do the very best you can to work it out. Make sure that you, and your spouse agree that you both want to do everything there is possible to get back on track again. This is the first step you need to take together so you can start rebuilding your relationship.

Scott Morris asked:

Relationships, whether dating or married, are hard work. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success. Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” is gone, leaving one or both people feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.

There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship and rekindle that “spark” which had once grown to a full-blown flame but has now faded to a dying ember. To help you get started in the right direction, here are five ways to build, strengthen, enhance, relight the fire and rekindle the romance in your relationship.

Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big success!

1. The Power of Touch

Playing with your mate’s hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you. Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time. A simple, loving touch can pull a relationship through a crisis.

2. Don’t Be So Predictable

If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. Take some chances and do the unexpected.

3. A Night of Passion

Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other. This is an important part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial. Make your intimate time together special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine and a beautiful room.

4. Happy Birthday

As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated. Gifts are quickly given, if at all, meals eaten and it is over. For your mate’s next birthday, take some time to plan something very special. Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and affection.

5. That Kiss

As couples become comfortable with each other, kisses can become lame. Get rid of the pecks and get serious with the kisses. You will find that as you pay attention to your kissing and let your mate know that you enjoy kissing them, you will both feel better about your relationship.

As you can see, relationships take work! However, with the right attitude, a lot of hard work, and some unique ideas on how to make it successful, couples can have a strong, lifelong relationship.