10. Lighten Up

Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious. It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say. Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.

11. Communicate

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk. Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.

12. A Night of Passion

Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other. However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial. Make your intimate time together special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

As a researcher and Life Coach, I am always looking for valid fundamental rules to help others improve their lives. I don’t write much on relationships, but I do know that there is a need to understand some of the fundamentals of relationships. This subject usually is charged with emotion, but as in all things we do not come with a guide book when we are born.

Whether one is dating, getting married or would just like to improve their relationship there are some fundamentals one needs to understand to developing and bringing forth a long lasting and loving relationship. The first fundamental is that one must understand men and women are wired differently. Men have a particular way of getting there needs met and women have another way. Those will never be identical.

Men for the most part cubby hole their emotions. Women believe that men are cold or not very emotional. That is not true. Men have been wired to cubby hole their emotions and create a tough exterior. This in actuality fulfills one need for a woman to feel secure. That tough exterior is there to simply allow a woman to know that the man is there to protect her from harm.

A woman being more emotionally based permits them to connect the big picture of life, through feelings. This actually serves the man in the form of encouragement and support by their spouse. Men would rather be respected than loved. Men have the need to be shown that they are respected as that shows them love on another level.

The foundation of a relationship is love. Men experience love through intimate relations. Women experience love by being honored or treasured. Here is what we call the little things. A woman would love for her man to give her a call sometime in the day or during the week and told that he is thinking about her. The hug at the door before you leave to work, or upon return, means a lot to any lady.

Companionship for a couple is not having opposites attract. That generally does not go well. In matter of fact it creates all sorts of problems, since both are actually headed into a different direction.

There must be a commonality of purpose with any couple. Such as a sense of community, spirituality, care and concern not only with the relationship itself but with their beliefs.
In order to boost this complement, men need to sharpen their listening skills. Women generally want to be heard, they don’t need a problem to be solved unless they ask for it. It isn’t just listening. It is listening to what is being said with your heart. Acknowledging the way they feel is better than offering a solution to a particular issue that is outside the relationship in itself.

To keep a man happy it is simply a matter of support, affirming and encouraging what path that has been mutually agreed on if it involves family issues. A man feels love when he receives support from his spouse. Being married or being a couple it is a team effort. One gives 100% to their partner not a partial effort. It is a two way street.

Communication is important but as I have written in other articles, what is important is awareness of the other. You must be aware of what the other person wants and needs are. Especially when you are going to be married you need to put all your cards on the table.

Things such as finances should be scrutinized. If either spouse holds monumental debt it would not serve as a benefit to the other. That could be an item that will need to be resolved as agreed by both parties before they start on the journey through life. Preferably you may want to be debt free before you tie the knot or make any other commitments, it is just simply better to start with a clean slate.

I am all for long engagements. The reasoning is simple you need time to work with each other. Yes, I did say “work” with each other to come to terms with issues before the knot is tied. If you are already involved then planning and the working together should help alleviate any of the issues within the relationship. That is how you show support for the other and help fill the needs of the partnership or marriage, however you chose to label it.

Men want to be intimate, encouraged and respected. Women want to be honored, heard, loved and protected. That is the summary of the inside stuff. On the outside, couples or spouses should be a companion’s with shared activities and beliefs. That is a common purpose. Awareness of these things can help a relationship get on the right track. It does take work; all good things come by sincere effort and labor.